New beginnings

So I have two weeks left of my externship and I'm super excited and can't wait to be finished with school! I plan on going back and getting my RN degree. But for right now I'm just happy to have my MA degree and I can actually find a career that I enjoy and make money at the same time! I have heard that it has been difficult for some people to find a job after graduation, so I'm really hoping I don't have this problem because I didn't go to school to not get anything out of it! So say a prayer that I can find a job once I'm finished!

Also about me and dougy trying for a baby. As I said before we have gotten tests done and everything so they say is fine and we have been trying and no luck so far, but I think I'm worrying about it too much and stressing about it too much and I just need to not worry and just know that it will happen when the time is right. God knows how bad we want another baby so he will give us one when he thinks its the right time I just have to be patient.

Bummed

Me and dougy have been trying to have another baby. About four months after laynie passed we had a miscarriage. We weren't trying at that time, but we did end up having a miscarriage.  So we waited and about six months ago I had another miscarriage. So Im thinking so myself what's wrong with me, is there something not right inside of me..am I not able to have children. So we went and got some tests done and they say everything inside looks fine. So we have been trying the past couple months well no luck last month and this month I don't think any luck either. I ovulated late in my cycle and the doctoe said that isn't normal and if it continues I will have to be put on medication to help with ovulation. So I'm kind of bummed right now and over this. I just want to have a normal pregnancy and not have to worry if something is going to happen. I just want to know that I'm pregnant and everything is fine. So say a prayer for me that here soon I will get good news!!!

Marrying my best friend!

Dougy and I started dating our junior year of high school. I had just moved to Greenfield and didn't really know a whole lot of people besides the girls that I played softball with. I took an accounting class and he was in it, he was this "thug" and for some reason I was attracted to him the first time I saw him. He came prom time and I was going with some of the girls from softball and one of the girls was like do you want to go with Dougy Weber and I'm like I don't know ...doesn't he have a kid and a crazy baby momma, but I decided to go anyway. We didn't really know each other, so we started hanging out with a couple of our friends and got to know each other a little better. I thought he was perfect and I knew we would hit it off so a couple days before prom he asked me to be his "girlfriend" let me just say he asked over text! but I didn't care. So we went to prom together and I was excited and happy and we had a really great time. So that's how we met. I knew I would be with him for the rest of my life. Though it hasn't been perfect and life has definitely thrown us some curve balls we have survived all of it and gotten through it all.

December 25, 2012 he asked me to marry him and I said yes of course. I wanted to start planning right away. I had been waiting for him to ask me forever! So we decided to get married as soon as possible. We got married May 18, 2013 and it was the most perfect wedding. It was everything I ever wanted and more! I'm so happy to be spending the rest of my life with him and wouldn't want it any other way. We have been through so much and I know that surviving through all of it we could beat anything together <3

Angel Baby

Hello everyone my name is Shelbi and I've always wanted to start a blog. Here I am starting one! I have many hardships in my life, but the one that really hit home and will be with me forever was my daughter passing in April of 2012.

I found out I was pregnant in August of 2011. I remember it like it was yesterday and the first thing that came upon me was pure happiness, I wasn't upset or sad, I was ecstatic!! I wasn't married at the time, but had been with my husband now for almost four years. We weren't planning this pregnancy, but we were both super happy! Everything was going really great, besides the morning sickness, which was horrible.. I would puke at least once a day if not twice or three times! We went to find out what we were having and I we were so excited. I really wanted a girl, but would be happy with either or! But we didn't end up finding out we were having a girl and I couldn't of been more happy, but what we weren't expecting was to here some bad news.. They said there could be something wrong with her heart because they couldn't see all the four chambers of the heart. They weren't for sure and told us not worry at the moment and I would have further tests done. So I started going to St. Vincent's Hospital and I got an echocardiogram done and they pretty much confirmed that she had Hypo Plastic Left Heart Syndrome, which is a birth defect that affects normal blood flow through the heart. As the baby develops during pregnancy, the left side of the heart does not form correctly. Hypo plastic left heart syndrome is one type of congenital heart defect. But we wouldn't know for sure until she was born, so I help on to what little hope I had that she would be born and everything would alright. I had a pretty easy pregnancy and never really had any problems besides worrying if my daughter was going to alright. So 8 months later April 10 I checked into the hospital that night and they started me on Pitocin and I couldn't sleep at all that night because my contractions were so bad. I was going to give birth naturally until she was under distress and they wanted to do an emergency C-section. I was so scared. At this point I was in labor for almost 24 hours. I got my epidural and they took me to the surgery room. I was so cold and I couldn't stop shaking and then they told me she was out and I didn't hear her cry, so I was so worried. They showed me her for a few seconds and had to take her to the NICU for testing.

After about an hour or so the doctor came in and confirmed that she did have HLHS, my heart broke and I didn't know what to think or say or feel. All I knew was my little girls heart wasn't normal and what she would have to go through killed me.

I didn't get to hold my baby or feed her or anything. Later that night I did get to see her, but that was it. It's so hard not to be able to such your child after you have carried her for 9 months and want nothing more than to hold her. I did get to hold her once before she had to go to surgery. There are three procedures that a HLHS baby has to go through, the first one is called the Norwood procedure. This surgery usually is done within the first 2 weeks of a baby’s life. Surgeons create a “new” aorta and connect it to the right ventricle. They also place a tube from either the aorta or the right ventricle to the vessels supplying the lungs (pulmonary arteries). Thus, the right ventricle can pump blood to both the lungs and the rest of the body. This can be a very challenging surgery. After this procedure, an infant’s skin still might look bluish because oxygen-rich and oxygen-poor blood still mix in the heart. Our little Laynie had to have surgery when she was two days old. I'm not going to go into detail about it, but its the worst thing to see your little baby having to go through something that is so horrible.

She was so strong though. Even after going through something to horrible she would try to pull the tubes out of her nose and she was so alert and had the biggest most beautiful eyes! She was in the PICU after her surgery and she was there until the day she passed away.

While we were staying at the hospital I never had the thought in my head that we might lose our little girl, it never came to my mind because she was doing so well for what she had been through and the doctors said she was progressing as she should. The day before she passed they took her breathing tube out because she was able to breath on her own and they started to lower the dosage of her medications because she was doing so well. The morning that she passed the doctor had just came in and checked on her and said she looked fine and everything was good then. I remember it just like it was yesterday, the worst nightmare of my life. I was sitting in a chair right next to her bed and I smelled poop so I called the nurse in to let her know and I looked over at laynie  and noticed her chest wasn't moving up and down anymore. I looked away because I didn't want to believe it and I thought I was just seeing things, but right there my heart felt like it just dropped to the bottom of my stomach because I knew something wasn't right. The nurse came in and lifted her up and she immediately got on the phone and within minutes a swarm of doctors and nurses came rushing into the room. They told us to step out, but didn't tell us what was wrong. I was in such shock and couldn't believe what was happening. I just instantly prayed to GOD to keep my baby safe and let her be okay. Dougy and I sat at the end of the hallway waiting for someone to tell us something...anything. About an hour had passed and one of the doctors came over and told us that there had been a blood clot pass through the shunt in her heart and caused her to stop breathing, they asked us if they could give her a medicine that would thin her blood to maybe break the clot up and we said whatever you have to do to save our baby. About another hour had passed and she came back and said there was nothing more they could do and that she wasn't going to make and asked us if we wanted to hold her until she had passed. We said yes of course and held our baby until she was gone. It the hardest thing to have to hold your child for the last time knowing your never going to see her again or hold her again or see her grow.  We got her baptized and just held her for hours and hours. I didn't want to let her go because that meant the next time I would see her would be in a casket and I couldn't even imagine going through that, so after hours upon hours I had to pack all of my babies things up and leave her laying on a table and having to say good bye to her. Laynie Mae Weber was born April 11, 2012 at 4:30 p.m. weighing 7lbs 4.5 oz and 21 inches long and she passed away April 29, 2012. She will always be my little girl and now she is mommy and daddy's angel baby who is always watching over us and protecting us.

I have never actually told her full story to anyone besides my family of course, but no one will ever know the pain that we felt that day and everyday after that besides dougy and I.